CLEANING TIME FOR MUSIC VOL.2 because it is RAINING

Seriously, I'm sick of this goddamn rain. I know, I know-- "This might be the first year without drought conditions!" and "It's really helping with the forest fires!" and "BLAH BLAH BLAH WEH WEH."
So, instead of being productive, I'm indulging in my middle-class privilege by remarking on all of the pretty pretty music I have.
OR IS IT PRETTY?!
We'll see!

FIRST UP!

(Wow. I listen to most of by B's. Golly.)

Black Tambourine Black Tambourine
First Song: Throw Aggie Off the Bridge - I'm not gonna lie, I chose this song mostly for the title. Goddamn Aggie, man! Always talkin' trash. Always.
But really, I kinda like this song. It's got sort of a Pixies-ish charm with a Ramones-ish lack of talent. Also lady singers, which is pretty rad.
Second Song : Drown - I'm... picking up on an unsettling theme here. A theme that could be considered creepy if this music weren't so gesh-dern CUTE! Seriously, it's like a fuzzy fifties swingin' tune, except Earth Angel is now floating face-down in a reservoir.
Overall Ruling: I'm actually really liking this music. For all that it seems to be exclusively about people dying in water.
I KEEP.

Off to an auspicious start! Next up?

Blonde Redhead 23
First Song: Dr. Strangeluv - Huh. This is... Good. Like, I'm usually against cutsey mis-spellings of cinematic landmarks (on general principle) but there's something I like about how this singer doesn't really sound like a good singer but still manages to sound unique without hurting my ear-holes. Also? Cowbell. Good cowbell.
Second Song : The Dress - I like this song a little less. I dunno. It sounds like The Knife, but less complex. And the guitar is kinda cheesy. Like, bad horror movie cheesy. Asylum-level sci-fi original movie cheesy. Maybe not that cheesy. I'm over-reacting. But still pretty cheesy. And the lyrics are a little boring (Maybe I'm used to lyrics about people drowning? IT'S THE RAIN'S FAULT.)
Overall Ruling: I really liked the first song, but then the second song let me down. I'm split. Is the rest of the album ho-hum humdrum like The Dress? Or awesome possum kick in the patoot like Dr. Strangeluv? Only further investigation will say!
KEEP!

Bon Iver For Emma, Forever ago
I know, I know. Bon Iver is actually a famous musician, and he's good, and I should have listened to him about 30 goddamn years ago. I'd like to say that I've given him a fair shake. My confession? Every time he comes up on my ipod's shufflings, I skip him. I'm a busy man!
First Song: Skinny Love - Whoops. I think this is his famous song. I just picked it because I'm a thin person, and I'm a fan of love. So far, though, I'm about halfway. Like, it's a good song, but it's a different flavor of Iron & Wine. There's something alluring about his voice, though. It's tough to judge because I'm thinking of all the movie trailers that this song has been in. Hm.
Second Song : The Wolves (Act I&II) - Why? Why are there multiple acts? It is a song that only lasts five minutes, and--
Oh. Oh crap. I'm getting that fuzzy folk feeling right down behind my ribs. Damnit, Bon Iver. You know I'm a sucker for fuzzy folky crescendos. Did you plan this? Did you plan this?!
Overall Ruling: Okay. I guess Bon Iver has earned his (their?) reputation. I guess I like this music. I guess I'll keep it. I guess.

Broken Social Scene You Forgot it in People
This is another one of those bands that could be considered "really good, and I don't know why you're just now listening to them. I mean, really, Keller? C'mon." But the truth of the matter is, the only song that I've ever really listened to on this album is Anthems for a Seventeen Year Old Girl. And then, only because it's on the Scott Pilgrim soundtrack. And I totally liked it! But I haven't really connected that song with the band that created it, in my mind. SO HERE WE GO!
First Song: Stars and Sons - Mm. My first impression is... less than shining. But it's growing on me. It's got the same post-rock follies that Battles suffered from where the same thing happens over and over again, but I actually like what they're doing in this one. Also, claps. I am a sucker for claps. Really, it's like that joke that you've heard a million times and it only becomes funny after the first five hundred thousand repetitions.
I'm bobbing my head! This is a good sign.
Second Song: Almost Crimes (Radio Kills Remix) - I always hate songs that reference things that I don't understand. What is Radio Kills? Why remix it? Was the original not good enough for you?! The song seems good, though. BSS seems like they usually start their songs off a little underwhelming, and then they move in for the ultra-rock super-kill. This song is pretty standard until the saxophone comes in.
Overall Ruling: Pretty good, I guess. The second song isn't really what I'm looking for right now-- kind of a mix between Built to Spill and The Offspring, but I think these guys deserve more chances.

Man. I want to delete some stuff! WHAT THE EFF. WHERE IS ALL THE TERRIBLE MUSIC.

Maybe the letter C will help!

The Caesars 39 Minutes of Bliss
First Song: Out of my Hands - I know that Jerk it Out is their famous song, so I'm starting with the one after that.
And. Eh. It's okay. Kinda... Eh. But I said I'd listen to at least two songs all the way through, so I've got to slug this one out.
Durp durp. Two minutes left.
Now a minute and a half.
... Closing in on a minute. Yup. Now we're at a minute.
I wonder if the total running time for this album is 39 minutes? Or if, like, they figured the running time into their bad songs too, so it's really like 47 minutes long.
Second Song: Only You - This sounds like the last song. Except it's more insulting ("You got ears like dumbo, baby!" is the first line.)
Overall Ruling: This sucks. Yessss.
DELETION POWERS ACTIVATE!

Candy Claws In the Dream of the Sea Life
This band is actually from the town I live in. I've never met them, nor have I ever heard their music. I have, however, seen one of their short films. And it was weird.
First Song: Starry Fighter Kite - Gloopbloop deepdeepdeepcheep chimchimchimchimchimchim. This is what I get out of this song. And then that, but fuzzier and distorted. For all that, though, I kindof like it. It manages to actually have a structure finally, after about 2:50 in. It's like a quieter Animal Collective. Hm.
Second Song: Catamaran - I think this is their single, actually. It doesn't really have a lead-in, because they keep faking us out with more electronic squawking. It's cute, I guess.
Update: it wasn't the band that had the bad electronic squawking, it was the video that I was trying to load on my infirm computer. So hey! They've got points for that, I guess?
Overall Ruling: I think I'm going to keep it, but only for the hipster cred. Like, "Oh hey Keller, have you heard of this obscure Northern Colorado band?" "Yeah. I've listened to two whole songs." ":-O"

Okay. I gotta eat some food. But first!

Bonus Track!
Cardigans Iron Man
TThis is probably one of the coolest covers of any song ever. Like, instead of Ozzy Osbourne, we've got a twenty-something lady crooning over an electronic drum beat and synth about how Iron Man traveled time for the future of mankind.
Ka-LINK:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SzgZJEpLuw0

Cleaning Time for MUSIC (Vol. 1)

Which means, of course, going through my ipod and deleting stuff.

Seriously, I don't know how half of this stuff gets on there. I think my ipod escapes at night, hangs out in seedy clubs and has unprotected sex with unfamiliar laptops. This turns into a metric ass-ton of music that I just don't know what to do with.

My plan of action: listen to two songs off the album. If the songs appease me, I've found a new band that I like. If not, I delete them BUM BUM BAAA.

First up, Apollo Sunshine's album Katonah.

(Oh- and PS, if I don't like a band that you like, I'm sorry.)

First song: Happening.
This is really happening, it's happening, I'm happy and-- something some-thing so-ome thing, blah bli blah blah bloo.
Maybe I would have liked this song in highschool? It's got almost angry screamings and a whiny something that hovers over the repetitive melody. Not much in the way of lyrics, though. I'm feeling charitable, though, so I've decided to move on to the next song.
Second Song: Blood is Wood.
What? What the fuck is this? Is this even from the same band? It's like the Partridge Family bit the lead singer and he's turned into some kind of ultra-radioactive douche. There are sleigh-bells. There are sleigh-bells in this song. But I think I caught a line that said something like "sweeping up the ashes of the bride and groom," so it makes it kinda better (?)
Overall ruling: I'm intrigued, but mostly just because of confusion. It's... I don't even know what to say. I'm listening to the next song and it's like a worse version of They Might Be Giants. Except for a line that says something like "I'd like to f*ck my way into the womb, maybe spend the afternoon." How did this get onto my ipod. (PS- now they have a Beatles breakdown!)

NEXT!

AT AT
First Song: For A Long Way Through
I'm not gonna lie, I was too busy trying to figure out formatting issues with bold text to listen to much of this song. But also, it doesn't sound like there's much I've been missing. People who can't sing singing in unison over an acoustic guitar that sounds like Bob Dylan's illegitimate son had twins and the musical/lyrical prowess that is carried through the Dylan line has been watered down to the point where nothing recognizable or interesting remains.
Ha. No. They're not that bad. Mostly just boring.
Second Song: Three Three Three
Seriously, they suck at singing. Is there two people? A mystery! Some pretty all-right guitar, though. Oho! Some meta-lyrics about how they're singing a song with chords in!
Overall Ruling: BAH get it off my ipod.

AU Verbs
First Song: Summerheat. Why do I have two bands that are two letters long? Either way, this one starts off with what I assume are whale songs, or whale songs played on a musical saw or glass harmonica. Fun fact: it was assumed that the glass harmonica would drive the listeners crazy if they were exposed to it long enough. It was also invented by Ben Franklin. True story.
Where was I?
Oh.
Yeah.
The complete lack of melody, replaced only by "HHHyyewwwwoooohhhaaaaAAAaaaooouuuuEEEeeyuuuwwwwoooooOOOOO." A guy is singing, but he is also not singing for more than two words at a time. Some might call the music 'minimalist,' others 'dull.'
WOAH where did this actual rhythm come from? I'm surprised! And only four minutes into the song! Though the singing stopped. Um.
Second Song :rr vs. d. What is it that hip things have against proper capitalization? The world may never know. Though I actually like this song. It's full of claps and machine-gun hoots. Also the singers are harmonizing and have more than three words that they sing (they're up to five!) I don't really like the circus-show-breakdown they have halfway through the song, though. That kinda lost me. If they didn't have a circus shoved into the song, I'd be right there with them.
Overall Ruling: The first song sucked, but the second was pretty all-right. This deserves further investigation. I KEEP THEM!

NEXXXT

Bad Veins Bad Veins
First Song: Crosseyed. Okay. Okay. Kinda like The Strokes, but...
Yeah. Pretty much like The Strokes. More distortion, but I think it might be a ruse to mask the fact that the lead singer isn't the lead singer of The Strokes (it'd totally be my luck if the lead singer was actually Julian Casablancas. Whoops!)
And hey-- if I've found a good 'The Strokes' substitute, that'd be cool. But I don't think this is it. Too much Coldplay mixed in. If you're a drunken New York hooligan, you shouldn't have choirs singing behind you.
Second Song :You Kill. bum TSbum. TSS. bum TSbum. TSS. "I'm whining about you cheating on me except it's slow and I'm singing it like I have no emotional connection to you" bum TSbum. TSS. bum TSbum. TSS. "You've pushed me down the stairs, and I'm pretty OK with that" bum TSbum. TSS.
Overall Ruling: Like The Strokes. Kinda worse. Pretty much entirely worse. THEY GONE.

Battles Mirrored
First Song: Tonto. Jesus. Did these people even watch The Lone Ranger? The stereotypical native-american rhythms sounded nothing like this. Though the stereotypical chanting did(?) I always get really depressed when I listen to music like this because it's always saying to me "I AM SO DIFFERENT PUT MY POST-ROCK IN YOUR EAR-HOLES," but then I don't really want to so it does the same thing twentysevenmillion times in a row just to get the point across. I would think it was more innovative if it wasn't seven straight minutes of "oomp TS pap TS oomp TS pap TS."
Second Song: Leyendecker. It kinda sounds like music to a bad videogame where you're walking through a giant sewer but then you get all pissed off because you've been wading through other people's shit for a good half-hour and you just passed the same save point you've been past three times already.
Overall Ruling: Take that, you post-rock scum!

... Jesus, am I only halfway through the 'B's?'
Shit.
Okay.

Bibio Fi
First Song: Puffer. Actually, I really kinda like this. It's got an 'English Countryside' feel with its poor recording quality but good rhythm without drums and charming guitar quartet-thing. Like all of the really nice parts of the Chronicles of Narnia.
Second Song: London Planes. This song is only a minute and a half long. But it's nice?
Overall Ruling: I feel like this is an album that I could fall asleep to, but in a good way. Like, that's the point of the album and it's totally OK with this fact. I do believe I shall keep it.

NEXT

The Black Lips 200 Million Thousand
First Song: Starting Over. Seriously, who sings like this? It's like the Velvet Underground got shit-faced and gave their instruments to the obnoxious guy at the end of the bar and told him to make a song with his friends in ten minutes. Not wanting to disappoint, the obnoxious guy gets the bartender and a hobo together and shoves one out in about seven. They've even got 'harmonies' in.
Second Song: Let It Grow. Mmmm. Yup. Okay. I'm done.
Overall Ruling: GET THEE BEHIND ME, BLACK LIPS!

Okay. I'm bored with this for now.
Tune in next time for another excellent edition of "Shit Keller Does when he's Bored!"